burps&giggles ... the loveliest cafe in the country

Was back in Ipoh for a memorable weekend for my alma mater's Centennial Reunion Dinner, what a blast. Julie Song from Indulgence "instructed" me to visit her new place called "burps&giggles" (its exactly behind the famous Kong Heng, house of mirrors, in old town).

I will just let the pictures tell you the story, its easily the loveliest, most rustic, romantic cafe  I have ever come across. So, for your next trip, besides Ipoh taugeh chicken, Hakka mee, beef noodle, dry chicken curry nasi kandar @ Yong Suan, Funny Mountain taufoofar ... you should add burps&giggles to your Must Go To list.

the entrance

nostalgic knick knacks all over the place 

my lunch, bam-bam burger with chunky fries (with melted cheese and truffle oil) 

go through the backdoor and you have a quirky yet sublime place called the "lazy lane", great atmosphere to unwind and enjoy an environment just like the 40s and 50s "concubine lane"

every corner, every angle is a photographer's dream .....

Food include a long list of premium burgers, pastries and sweets plus great coffee.

clever usage of lights and lamps to enhance the very cosy feeling

the foyer with high ceiling as they have removed part of the first floor

(behind Kong Heng)
93 & 95 jalan sultan yussuf

Sometimes We Take People For Granted

My Blackberry Is Not Working!

Many of you would have seen this already. Trust the English to put a skit up thats relevant and makes fun of the evolving English language. Smart and sassy, 15m viewers cannot be wrong. Please note that Orange is a telco service provider in the UK.

A Gentle Soul Departs

Many people pass on everyday, some famous some ordinary folks ... everyone will leave their own legacy and their influence to people around them. No one is more important or less so than the next one. Andy Williams was way popular way before I was even born. I think his passing deserves a mention cause I have rarely read a bad article about him, and he performed very well for a very long time. A gifted crooner, at a time when crooners were highly respected. A gentle soul whose voice brought us memories of wonderful melodies and lyrics for decades past and decades to come.

Andy Williams, whose soothing baritone and relaxed performing style made him one of America's top pop vocalists and a popular TV variety-show host in the 1960s when he recorded hits such as "Moon River" and "Days of Wine and Roses," has died. He was 84.
Williams, who announced in late 2011 that he had been diagnosed with bladder cancer, died Tuesday at his home in Branson, Mo., his family announced.

Why A Documentary Is Better Than A Movie

Have you seen this? If you haven't been to an IMAX movie you haven't seen this. Obviously this documentary uses a lot of simulation footages but the realism is palpable. You do feel you could have been in the spaceship ... but to be cooped up for 7 months to travel to Mars is no joke, you probably need some sedation drugs to hibernate or else you will go crazy in an enclosed space for a prolonged period.

Still, we have figured how to get to Mars but how to get back? Its a huge lot further than the moon. But one can already see and feel the magnificent achievement from the joyous faces of the people at NASA. Its a wonderful feat by fellow planetarians to just get that far. Now, when can AirAsia get us to Mars for RM1.99???

Actually, travelling to Mars as a commuter is not that far away. Have you heard of the sharpest guy in town called Elon Musk, co-founder of PayPal, sold it and now is running Tesla the magnificent electric car, he has a company SpaceX which aims to transport people to Mars for fun. Already he has over $3b in pre flight bookings up to 2017. Not space dreams anymore.

Spirit, MER-A (Mars Exploration Rover -- A), is a robotic rover on Mars, active from 2004 to 2010. It was one of two rovers of NASA's ongoing Mars Exploration Rover Mission. It landed successfully on Mars at 04:35 Ground UTC on January 4, 2004, three weeks before its twin, Opportunity (MER-B), landed on the other side of the planet. Its name was chosen through a NASA-sponsored student essay competition. The rover became stuck in late 2009, and its last communication with Earth was sent on March 22, 2010.

The rover completed its planned 90-sol mission. Aided by cleaning events that resulted in higher power from its solar panels, Spirit went on to function effectively over twenty times longer than NASA planners expected following mission completion. Spirit also logged 7.73 km (4.8 mi) of driving instead of the planned 600 m (0.4 mi), allowing more extensive geological analysis of Martian rocks and planetary surface features. Initial scientific results from the first phase of the mission (the 90-sol prime mission) were published in a special issue of the journal Science.

On May 1, 2009 (5 years, 3 months, 27 Earth days after landing; 21.6 times the planned mission duration), Spirit became stuck in soft soil. This was not the first of the mission's "embedding events" and for the following eight months NASA carefully analyzed the situation, running Earth-based theoretical and practical simulations, and finally programming the rover to make extrication drives in an attempt to free itself. These efforts continued until January 26, 2010 when NASA officials announced that the rover was likely irrecoverably obstructed by its location in soft soil, though it continued to perform scientific research from its current location.

The rover continued in a stationary science platform role until communication with Spirit stopped on sol 2210 (March 22, 2010). JPL continued to attempt to regain contact until May 24, 2011, when NASA announced that efforts to communicate with the unresponsive rover had ended. A formal farewell was planned at NASA headquarters after the Memorial Day holiday and was televised on NASA TV.

The clip is taken from the IMAX movie "Roving Mars" from 2006 . This is an edited short version. Thanks for watching and please take your time to rate.

Cooking With Dali - Pig Trotters Vinegar Ginger

Yes, it seems like I am cooking all dishes for pregnant women, but somehow I love these dishes. I have tried and tested and refined this so many times till I got it right. Somehow, many seems to be fearful to try to cook this, I hope this will demystify the dish.

Ingredients are relatively few:
Old ginger or Muntong ginger (about the size of a hand)
Good sesame oil
One pig trotter (get the front legs not the hind legs as the latter is way too fatty)
One packet of black beans
One small bottle of sweetened vinegar
One large bottle of black vinegar
Gula melaka
4 eggs

Get your pig trotters from Sanbanto if you can, they have very good quality pork there. Start with 3 pots. One to boil the trotters (a must) to rid of the impurities or else you will get a stinky smell. Dry roast the black beans for 10 minutes till all are crackling and split. Boil to make hard boil eggs.

Once you see sufficient impurities on the trotters pot (after 10 minutes or so), remove and wash clean, set aside. Now boil the black beans in water for 15 minutes on high, a must to soften the beans sufficiently - the water will be so dark. Drain and set aside.

The coarsely sliced ginger, dump into a wok with 6 table spoons of sesame oil. Fry for 5 minutes. 

Then add the drained trotters, aim is to brown them with sesame oil and ginger coating and to precook them as later you do not need to stew them for too long with vinegar (as your vinegar will evaporate if you do so for too long a period). The browning process should take another 5 minutes.

 Add the bottle of sweetened vinegar and one bottle of black vinegar, the other bottle of black vinegar you need to keep in case to fine tune the final result, and it should look something like below. The secret here is do not use caster sugar as that would make it sickly sweet (even weakens your teeth). Throw in the black beans as well. Chop one roll of gula melaka and add to the stew. Gula melaka has a more rounded sweetness and better caramelisation without being too sickly sweet. Go on low fire for simmering for 45 minutes. Stir with soft hands every two minutes to make sure all pieces gets proper cooking.
 Add the egg after 10 minutes of simmering when you don't have to stir so much as the eggs might break easily. After 30 minutes of simmering, taste to see if you need more gula melaka or the black vinegar to balance the taste.

End result. You can let it cool down and separate into 5 plastic containers, so it can last a few meals or you can give some away.

So Proud Of You Shila!!!

Shila Amzah, who knew .... against top singers from other Asian countries, and winning comfortably at each round. She won over the 9 esteemed judges made up of well known producers and major top singers. OMG, her rendition of the two famous Mandarin songs, Forever Love and Zheng Fu, were delivered in immaculate intonation and the emphasis on the words were appropriate and meaningful.

To win over the mostly China audience and judges must say a lot as there were other Chinese artistes as well. Loved the costumes as well. Well done! ND Lala must be so proud!

Got My La Escepcion Finally!

Finally got my hands on a box of La Escepcion, Selected Finos Panatela. Heard so much about it for the past few months and wrangling here and there for just one box. 

(not my fingers if you were wondering)

In 2011, Habanos brought back an old Cuban brand La Escepci�n. as an Regional Edition for Italy. The size is a 6 1/2 x 38 Panatela called Selectos Finos, a size that had never been offered by La Escepci�n prior. La Escepci�n is one of the oldest Cuban cigar brands with its introduction by owner Jos� Gener sometime in the late 1850s. It was always thought of as a sister brand to Hoyo de Monterrey, mostly because Hoyo was also started and owned by Jos� Gener, albeit after the La Escepci�n brand.

La Escepcion    

La Escepcion Cigars
Year of foundation: 1850's decade
Tobacco Country: Cuba
Tobacco Procedence: Vuelta Abajo
Factory: La Corona

First of all, we may remark a very funny anecdote. The name of these cigars is La Escepcion, but had to be La Excepcion (meaning exception in English). So this misspelling became one of the most famous in the history of Havana cigars. This brand has always been linked to Hoyo de Monterrey and after being sold several times, it finally remains in the hands of the firm F. Palacio y Cia. Production was not at all affected by the Revolution and eight models were listed in Cubatabaco official catalogue. It was in the 80's decade when a drop in production can be appreciated, perhaps because the most remarkable characteristic of these cigars, their extreme strength, is no longer liked by the customers. The brand was discontinued in 1989.

La Escepci�n Selectos Finos  ER Italy 2011 Box 4

Review: I tend not to review cigars as that may seems like encouraging people to smoke, but this is worthy of a review. The red-brown wrapper with hints of oil is already to die for. Its a great hint of a prelude to a good smoke. Now is this as good as everyone says it was.

One sentence: its the best cigar I have smoked for the past 10 years, and thats a lot of cigars to compare to. Hints of hay to start and then the explosion of espresso and dark chocolate flavours. Starts off as a medium strength and ended a bit stronger. Layers and layers of flavour and depth but a cool smoke at the same time. Still young and would smoke brilliantly in another 2 years in the humidor. What a wonderful cigar!
As there were only 2000 boxes made, I think I should try and stock up. The price should double in 3 years time, and its not even cheap now. If you can get it overseas (Italy, Geneva), you should be paying $630 per box. If it ever gets to Asia, be prepared for RM2,800-RM3,200 per box.

The Price Determines The Attractiveness

There was a great article in The Star a few days back which had a couple of fund managers being negative on Astro IPO. When I read further I was shocked at the valuation. At an indicative price of RM3.60 (this is the price that has been set for bumiputra investors) and based on its earnings of RM629.6mil for its financial year ended Jan 31, 2012 (FY12), this translates to a price-earnings ratio of 38 times. 

I have written that I like Astro IPO as a dividend play, BUT at RM3.60, the price-earnings ratio is more than 30 times and the dividend yield is only 2%. Now this pisses me off. I have been defending AK's strategy to delist and relist as they were still within the rules operating at the time. You come back with a dividend play scheme and if its really RM3.60, you can go fly wau.

Luckily it was an indicative pricing, today's article came out with firmer details.  Astro Malaysia Holdings Bhd, a pay-TV firm, has set an indicative price range of 2.70-3.00 ringgit per share for institutional investors for its initial public offering that could raise up to RM4.56bil (US$1.5bil), a source with direct knowledge of the deal said.

The institutional book for Astro will open on Wednesday, said the source, who declined to be identified as details of the deal were not yet public.

Based on the indicative price range, the total 1.52 billion shares in the offer could be worth 4.1-4.56 billion ringgit.

The deal is being handled by CIMB, Maybank and RHB, while several foreign banks are also advisers including UBS, Credit Suisse, Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan.

Comment: Even at the reduced price of RM2.70, its still a very high price, yield will just be 2.66%, which there are plenty of other blue chips offering better than that. I doubt very much it will even break RM2.80 upon listing. Hence the upside will only be good if you can get it between RM2.50-2.55. I expect it to trade with a very small premium (maybe 5 sen) if they stick to RM2.70 as IPO price. Its all in the dividend yield people. Too greedy, just too greedy.

Cooking With Dali - Drunken Chicken Ginger Broth

OK it seems I have nothing much to say about the markets over the last couple of weeks. Share with you all another minor passion of mine, cooking - freestyle. I hate recipes. If I like something, I will try and decipher and breakdown the dish and put them together my way. For more traditional ones, I will get my mum to give the basic ingredients and away I go to come up with something I really like.

Today I felt a stirring and yearning for Drunken Chicken Ginger Broth. Its easy yet so satisfying, and heaty. Try it, you will love this version:

Unless you brew your own rice wine, any Hua Tiew wines will do, all supermarts have them, about RM10-14 per bottle, try to get two different brands for "depth". Use only drumsticks and thighs, chop into pieces.

Here is where it gets tricky, USE only Buntong Ginger (Muntong Keong), it costs a huge premium to normal ginger and is only available at morning markets. The ginger is so refreshing, you can even bite into it like a fruit to enjoy and yet gives the most soothing ginger taste, not overpowering.

Marinade the chicken with soy sauce, lots of white pepper and a table spoon of good sesame oil. Put aside for at least 30 minutes or longer.

Dice the ginger 3 ways, julienne, thicker julienne and rough pieces... texture baby, texture. Heat your wok with 6-8 tablespoons of sesame oil (its OK to be generous), throw in the ginger on medium heat for 5 minutes. Then throw in the chicken, making sure to brown all sides for another 6 -7 minutes.

This is important as you want the chicken to be coated, pre-cooked, so that it does not need that much boiling time with the wine.

I always have ready some useless whiskey or brandy as top ups, just in case. Put in the Hua Tiew, slow fire with the chicken and ginger the whole shebang, cover with lid. It needs to simmer for 10 minutes, really simmer, not any hotter as the chicken would be rough and not smooth in texture - always with lid on as you do not want too much alcohol to escape.

Taste, add salt and sugar to get the right mix. In this case it needed two teaspoon of salt and 4 tablespoon of sugar to balance out the alcohol. The versions you have outside are so diluted and pathetic, thats why these things usually cost RM10-14 per serving and still tastes diluted.

 Boil some Wan Yee (again available at all supermarts) in water for 10 minutes, drain then slice, throw the bugger in for the last 5 minutes of simmering.

This broth can serve 6 but the bill comes to nearly RM50 but its got the real kick in the guts feeling.

 End result, all in less than one hour, rice with kick ass drunken wine ginger .... sweat like mad but heavenly so. Till my next recipe..... cheers.

Fundraiser For St John Ambulance - Update


Last Saturday I went to the annual fundraiser dinner for SJA (Southern Selangor), which was held at Xi Lai Ton in Kajang. It was a successful venture but more so in that we all got to understand and appreciate more the tireless work they do, and how much they depend on the generosity of well wishers to sustain such an important undertaking.

Less than one month to the event for October 13th, hope you all could give them some support, ticketing information is listed below:

The proceeds will be to aid in provision of Ambulance Services and to acquire new Dialysis machines:
a) Ambulance services - Primarily operating in Klang Valley with 3 cars. They support the transportation of casualties to cover 8 Primary Hospitals in Klang Valley and they are also prepared to assist Government Agencies with large-scale incidents. More importantly they help those who are bed ridden and need help for weekly or monthly check ups
b) Dialysis - SJAM�s entry into the provision of haemodialysis treatment began in 1993. Today, KPS manages thirteen dialysis centres with one hundred and seventy machines, the second largest in terms of number of machines in the country. Presently, KPS has more than four hundred patients under their care.
Our Objectives:- to raise awareness of SJAM Selangor activities
- to raise funds to substain operating expenses
- to buy one equipped ambulance
- to buy ten dialysis machines
Dialysis Machines Sponsors: Each machine costs RM40,000. We are looking for sponsors for the machines. If you are keen to sponsor one, please call Kong Min Ho (019-3345220).

WHEN:  Saturday, 13th October 2012

WHERE:  Bentley Auditorium, 4th Level, The Curve

COST:  RM153pp

How To Purchase?

a)  Click on link and then click on BUY ONLINE

b) Call  Hotline : +603 9222 8811
Mon - Fri : 9am till 6pm
Sat : 12pm till 6pm
Close on Sunday & Public Holidays

c) Visit any of the Ticketcharge outlets

Whatsappening Man!!!

Those in the know will know where this post is headed by the headline ... many have voiced their concerns, but this has already gotten to critical stage.

How many times have seen entire families eating dinner at restaurants, and the kids are feverishly texting, Facebooking or playing computer games on their phones or I-Pads. Where is the quality time???

The normal defence from parents is that "its whats needed to keep them occupied (not noisy)" ... Fuck me blue, what did we have when we were growing up??? Did we bring our tops and marbles on the tables and play with them??? Something happened along the way that fucked us up royally. Technology is wonderful, but we must not let technology ruin the essence of communication and connection between one another. Parents, don't take the easy way out ... have you tried confiscating/restricting mobile phones / ipads and comp usage??? They must learn that at certain times, you have to TALK FACE TO FACE, eventually. What kind of social skills are we teaching our next generation????

Dude, that means, your kids won't have to visit you when you are old.... they can just send a MSM Hologram to you and speak to you ... "Hey, dad, its the same thing ..."

Technology no matter how wonderful, supposedly to keep us in touch more but separates us even more. I have a friend who had her birthday recently, she had over 300 FB friends, and on her birthday got over 100 birthday wishes in FB, many very intimate and funny, witty and well-intentioned. I asked her how many presents she got ..... NONE. Case closed.

Stop poking me, want to see me, give me a call. No relationship has ever gotten so much stronger because of Whatsapp. Whatsapp is very good cause its free, but we must use them smartly. If you and I are  spending more than 5 minutes on Whatsapp, then we should seriously meet up.
There are people who must learn to use Whatsapp properly, when you are having dinner and lunch with friends or family, STOP texting, not only is it rude to the present company, its disconcerting. I have seen the entire table of 5 texting ... I mean why bother having dinner together. 

When we have dinners or lunches, we are telling others we want to spend some quality time ... or are we telling our friends or parents that its OK, you can feel free to interrupt/disturb my time with my friends or parents anytime.  NOTHING IS EVER SO FUCKING IMPORTANT THAT THEY HAVE TO BE ANSWERED WITHIN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS ... I know cause some years ago, we did not even have mobile phones and WE WERE ALL ALRIGHT!!! WE DID NOT MISS ANY FUNERALS, THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS ...

Use the technology well, do not let it enslave us.

If You Do Not Open Your Mouth ... People Won't Know How Stupid You Are

The Education Ministry had endorsed "guidelines" to help parents to identify gay and lesbian "symptoms" in their children so they can take early corrective measurements.

The guidelines list four symptoms each of gays and lesbians:

Symptoms of gays:

-Have a muscular body and like to show their body by wearing

-V-neck and sleeveless clothes;

-Prefer tight and light-coloured clothes;

- Attracted to men; and

- Like to bring big handbags, similar to those used by women, when hanging out.

Symptoms of lesbians:

- Attracted to women;

- Besides their female companions, they will distance themselves from other women;

- Like to hang out, have meals and sleep in the company of women; and

- Have no affection for men.

"Once the children have these symptoms, immediate attention should be given," the guidelines warn.

According to Sin Chew Daily, the guidelines published by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and Putrajaya Consultative Council of Parents and Teachers Associations, and endorsed by the Education Ministry, were launched during a seminar in Penang yesterday.

The seminar on "Parenting in addressing the issue of LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders)" was organised by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and officiated by Deputy Education Minister Mohd Puad Zarkashi.


Self-explanatory, I guess, and they had the audacity to "approve and circulate and publish" the above as part of Education Ministry guidelines, or endorsed by the Education Ministry. Firstly, by saying the above, we can confirm you have NO IDEA who/what gays and lesbians are. To me, the guidelines is like saying a person with a goatee is of Islam religion - you like that guideline too?

The guidelines are so wrong on so many levels. Instead of trying to understand and have "1 Malaysia", we are creating distance, marginalisation and isolation and discrimination by singling out - why, pray tell? Don't you have enough problems living your own life instead of bothering with other people's lifestyles and values. 

Symptoms, they had the gall to call them symptoms ... They ARE NOT DISEASES!!! I will give you a real symptom ... the guideline document above, ...  now that's a symptom of a major u-know-what!

Financial Jargon & Terminologies For The Current Times

This is largely a repost of some smart-ass definition for financial jargon. Had to do it for the benefit of newer readers of the blog. Some of them were copied

Earnings Before I Tricked the Dumb Auditor

Earnings Before Irregularities and Tempering

Same as blame-storming, trying to attribute blame for mistakes

Management Consultant
Someone who tells you how to improve your business, something he/she cannot do or has never been able to do themselves

Top-Down Investing
People with a bit of economics knowledge but scared shitless about accounting

Bottom-Up Investing
People who knows a bit about accounting but hates fiction

Unusual Market Activity
Something the management and directors always know NOTHING about

Averaging Down Investing
When you totally ignore the fact that you were wrong in the first instance

Doubling Up Investing
Making doubly sure that you are more than fully-invested when the stock eventually tanks

Doing more than one useless activity at the same time, better known as multi-slacking

Chief Embezzlement Officer

Chief Fraud Officer

An investment bank hiring/firing policy

Second Board
What Second Board???

The art of pushing optimism and white lies to the max

Margin Account
Shorter rope, tighter noose

Paradigm Shift
Your job in the financial markets is in jeopardy

Hedge Funds
"Institutionalised" margin accounts

Drill-down / Granularity
Words managers learn to use to enslave their subordinates

Normal Andersen Valuation

Never Pay Any Tax

Eventual Prison Sentence

Don't Reinvent The Wheel
A person who does not know how the wheel was invented in the first place

Net Net
When you have a manager doing a presentation trying to bastardise the English language

Federal Reserve Board
Bank of Japan on Prozac

Thinking Outside The Box
You just want to leave the meeting room and chill because no one has been able to offer any constructive ideas

Equity Research
As useful as a used condom

Equity Analysts
Hopes no one discovers how average they are

Fund Managers
Sponges off the brains of analysts and strategists and call it their own

Chartists & Rocket Scientists With Trading Programs
People who have given up trying to understand the stock markets

Short Term Investor
Someone who is in-and-out within 3 days or less

Long Term Investor
A short term investor who cannot get out profitably after 3 days

Bull Market
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

Bear Market
A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex

Off Balance Sheet Items
More important than items in the balance sheet, and represent things that really should be in the balance sheet

Service Level Agreement
It means there will be no service follow up, we are just covering our ass here

Unemployment Office
A placement office for humanities graduates

Momentum Investing
The fine art of buying high and selling low with the crowd

Value Investing
The fine art of buying low and selling lower

Core Competencies
Phrase you use when you have no idea what a company's or a person's strengths and weaknesses are

P/E ratio
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing

Big Picture
You are just imagining the same meeting with the same people on a movie screen

Stock Broker
Poorer than you were last year

Someone who should have kept their previous job

Investor Protection
Padded walls in broking halls

Market Correction
The day after you buy stocks

Cash Flow
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

Institutional Investor
Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse

Two Week Holidays
Taken by employees who are oblivious to whether their jobs will still be there by the time they return

Someone who tells you why their predictions went wrong after every quarter, and proceeds to give a confident prediction for the next 3 quarters

Nothing To Write Home About

Markets have been so mediocre that there has been nothing much to write home about. Investors and traders must have the mindset that its OK not to be buying or selling shares sometimes - we are not that brilliant that we MUST buy or sell shares all the time.

More than anything else, if your holding period is less than 6 months, the TREND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, and in many instances, your only friend. If your holding period is less than 6 months, no amount of brilliant analysis or technical software will allow you to trump the market better, you need the TREND to be your friend. 

You will make more money by being silly and follow the trend when its bullish and pull out when it reverses. Trouble is too many know when to go in, but too many do not know when to go out especially when they are way in front. Making money from the market makes one think one is really smarter than they really are - and that is the truth time and time again.

Overheard Inside Goldman Sachs' Elevators

Men with too much money and feelings of self-importance .... its never pretty when you get too much money undeserved for what you do, and you try to over compensate your small dicks by pretending you have a bigger brain ...


Overheard on the Goldman Sachs Elevator
An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars.

Some of the conversations involve more than one person, and the participants are distinguishable by their number (#1, #2, #3).

#1: She�s only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot. ?#2: Maybe 4.

#1: Hey fat fuck, I already know what your resolution is.

#1: Can we please stop calling them �hipsters� and go back to calling them �pussies?�

#1: Groupon� Food stamps for the middle class.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying� because if you�re good at lying, you�re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.

#1: Walking around the protesters outside makes me feel like how a black guy must feel in the gym shower.

#1: Age is just a number. The more important number is how hot she is out of 10.

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordans for white people.

#1: I don�t care how into the environment she says she is. No chick wants to be picked up in a Chevy Volt.

#1: You�re going to Hell in just about any religion. ?#2: First class, baby�

#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and fuck shit up.
#1: Sober girls are the worst. So are really drunk ones� The sweet spot is 4 white wines and a Zanny (Zanax).

#1: I heard the Euro was spotted at Disney World wearing a Make-A-Wish t-shirt.

#1: Bareback is the new 3rd base.

#1: I never give money to homeless people. I can�t reward failure in good conscience.

#1: Fuck that. When I was an analyst, I had to eat an entire �wasabi roll�. What we called team building, you faggots call bullying.

#1: Handshakes and tie knots. I don�t have time for someone that can�t master those basic skills.

#1: Two weeks of family time. I�m ready for a FBT to let some bad out. ?#2: FBT? ?#1: Fake Business Trip.

#1: When it doesn�t matter how much the drinks cost, it�s always happy hour.

#1: Money might not buy happiness, but I�ll take my fucking chances.

#1: Obama�s gone golfing 90 times in less than 3 years as president. That�s about three months of golf.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: By now, protesters just look like pigeons to me.

#1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement. ?#2: Fuck. That wouldn�t cover a ski weekend.

#1: Anyone that puts CFA and MBA on their business card is a cunt.

#1: Don�t bitch about your apartment. If you want a gated house on a golf course, go be some dogshit CFO in Cleveland.

#1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said �To make the obituary in The Economist.� ? #2: Great answer. Hired.

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

#1: My charity work begins & ends with black tie galas. And if drunk me is the highest bidder on a signed Springsteen guitar, so be it.

#1: Let�s get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a fucking loser.

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism.

#1: The only reason I have a home phone is so I can find my cell phone. ?#2: Our maid does that.

#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You�ll probably still make millions, but it�s just not the same.